I have a friend who is convinced that a child cursed with a made up name will eventually end up being a Darwin Award winner or doing a perp walk in an orange jumpsuit. But as I sit here watching sports on what seems to be an endless loop this weekend I’ve noticed another option for children with names of the “throw some letters around and see what sticks” variety…athlete.
There are a couple of options when it comes to made up names, there’s the insert random prefix to a perfectly acceptable name such as LaMichael James, Jermichael Finley, LaMarcus Aldridge, Santonio Holmes, and LeGarrette Blount. The prefix thing is so bad that names like Desean Jackson seem downright normal.
There are the Shon/Shaun/Shawn’s which is a fine name on its own but someone often decides to add a little “flair” to spice it up. How could you mess that up you wonder? Well just ask Marshawn Lynch, Tayshaun Prince, and my personal favorite Knowshon Moreno.
Then there’s names that you just hope came from a great great grandparent but you kinda have a sneaky suspicion someone thought it sounded “pretty” and nice. That’s really the only explanation for the LaDainian Tomlinson and Visanthe Shiancoe’s of the world. Then there’s BenJarvus Green-Ellis. I think everyone in the family got to pick a syllable when he was born.
I have a strange name so I know what its like to grow up with something odd. Maybe my mom was on to something when she said it adds character to have a name unlike everyone else (don’t tell her though, she doesn’t like sports so she’ll never read this). Perhaps when you stand out with your name, you try harder to distinguish yourself further. Whether it be as a world class athlete, or as a renowned criminal. So maybe there is hope for little JerMajesty Jackson after all. But let’s be honest we all kinda think he’s on his way to a perp walk, right?